BREAKING: LOCAL METAL BAND SUMMONS WEATHER EVENT DURING GUITAR SOLO
CROAKVILLE, USA —
In what meteorologists are calling “unprecedented” and fans are calling “totally metal,” local band Shrieking Pandemonium reportedly caused a spontaneous hailstorm during their encore performance at the annual Barnyard Bash Metal Festival.
The incident occurred Saturday night as lead guitarist, Axel Inferno, ripped into an extended solo of their hit song “Hail Satan’s Fury” (pun definitely intended). Witnesses claim the sky darkened, temperatures plummeted, and hailstones began pelting the crowd in perfect rhythm to the double bass drum.
“It was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced,” said metal enthusiast and self-proclaimed storm chaser, Todd “Thunder” Morris. “One second, we’re moshing, and the next, Mother Nature’s headbanging with us!”
According to band sources, the event was unplanned but not entirely surprising. Frontman Gristle Von Scream explained, “We’ve been messing around with some occult tablatures Axel found in a thrift store. We thought it’d just add some ambiance, but apparently, it’s legit.”
Festival organizers are now investigating whether weather insurance policies cover "musically induced hail." Meanwhile, conspiracy theories are swirling online, with some claiming the band has struck a deal with an otherworldly entity for publicity.
Axel Inferno denies these allegations, stating, “Look, we just wanted to melt faces—not freeze them. Any deals we made were strictly with record labels, not dark lords.”
Despite the chaos, the band has seen a surge in popularity, with merch sales skyrocketing and social media flooded with posts like #MetalStorm and #HailYeah.
When asked if they plan to tone down their performances in light of the incident, Von Scream replied, “Nah, we’re doubling down. Next tour, we’re aiming for tornadoes.”
Authorities are urging fans to attend future Shrieking Pandemonium shows with helmets and umbrellas. Stay tuned for updates on their upcoming album, Forecast: Destruction.